I am out of my mind

Yeah, it's new year again. Goodbye 2008 and hello to 2009. This year, my new year celebration was a bit special yet it's also nearly "crashed" by my mum. I can't believe that i spent my last minutes of 2008 and the first minutes of 2009 at an "unfamiliar" environment. Luckly there's someone beside me. Thank God, at least i didn't feel strange and nervous on that situation.

Well, if you're asking why i spent my new year celebration at that "unfamiliar" place, ok let me tell ya here. Actually this year i got no plan to celebrate my new year since my "Death House" members had gone back to their hometown. At first, i could predict that my new year will be lonely and i am going to spent my last minutes of 2oo8 on Dota. At the night before 31st, someone text me and suddenly he mentioned about a function which is going to held on his place. He knew that i won't be interested with any function that held at his place. Yeah, he's right and for me that place is damn boring or perhaps i should said it's boring than my International Law's lecture(sorry Dr.AG i am just telling the truth) I know that he's neither forcing nor using me while there's a function everytime.

I appreciate his invitation everytime. This time i accept the invitation and i don't know why. Maybe i don't want to spend my new year alone or maybe i enjoy and feel comfortable to meet him everytime. I really don't know..."3,2,1..happy new year", yeah, it's midnight now and the fireworks were so nice in the dark sky. The next event was "dance floor". "I am not going to let you back unless you have to dance with me first" he said. It was 12.15am and my phone rang. It was mum, she said "hey when are you coming home, don't think that i'll let you loitering at there till late" "yes mum, but it's new year eve. Everyone is celebrating it, at least u should let me stay until 1am, i promise i'll be back on that time" "are you trying to defense me huh!!! Met with a guy liao then not respect me liao la, "gatal"!!" to be honest, i was so angry with her at that time. I am 24 yrs old and why couldn't i have my own freedom!! She's overprotective, that's new year eve and it's only once. I know what am i doing. My mood was ruined by her at that time...Down and frustated.

I told him what was happened and at first he said he don't want to let me go on that time. I told him i wish i could stay longer but i got no choice. He said he would talk to my mum if she rang me again and of course i am not going to let him do that because i know what's the effect. He said he didn't care because he already get used being scold and shout by people. Actually that's not the main point, i afraid i am not able to meet and chat with him again if he does that. No one know mum well than me even dad... I know he's trying to help and i appreciate that but i really can't let him do that. Frankly, i feel guilty and sorry until now. A bit lack of courages to talk with him since that. Maybe i shouldn't accept that invitation, there's many gals out there who're willing to be his partner on the function. Once called, sure come and they're much more active plus sophisicated than me, a typical "kampung gal". I am just a dummy who is quiet most of the time.

He told me he was happy because i was there but i still doubt about what he said because i just ruined the party. He also does prepared a costume to me for that function but i didn't wear it. *sigh* how stupid i was, WHY WAS I LIKE THAT!! there's still another suitable person who was more deserved than me to be there. I didn't blame my mum actually and i know why she done that to me. For me, she's a good mother. She changes a lot 3 years ago due to her sickness... down, hopeless, sadness and all the negative feeling surround her... I don't remember when was the last time i saw her smile and i really miss that. I hope this year would be a good year ahead and bringing a new hope for me...i pray for it...